Group 4 is, frankly, remarkable.
Please post your criteria, your fabulous thesis, and your justification here!
posted by Ms. Clapp @ 2:04 PM
14 comments
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
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14 Comments:
Criteria for the perfect thesis:
a. Must appropriately identify both speakers' views of Helen.
b. Gives a broad overview/evaluation of how the speaker uses various techniques (i.e. diction, tone, imagery) to create the speakers' views of Helen.
c. Addresses the significance: Why is the contrast important?
The group's spectacular thesis of joy was:
The speakers in both Edgar Allen Poe's "To Helen" and H.D.'s "Helen" create contrasting views of the Greek queen: while the former suggests that Helen’s presence is a blessing and that she is a glorious, god-like creature, the latter insinuates that she is a curse and is unworthy of the praise bestowed upon her. Poe’s use of such elements as elevated and positive diction, imagery underscoring Helen’s perfection and beauty, and a praising tone serve to convey his admiration and love for her. H.D., on the other hand, utilizes diction with negative connotations, a bitter and resentful tone, and aggressive, angry imagery to illustrate Greece’s and the speaker’s loathing for Helen. This contrast in views helps reflect the discrepancy in how favorably Helen has been portrayed throughout history and how people actually felt about her.
My group believes that our thesis has addressed all the aforementioned criteria. The first sentence describes both speaker’s views of Helen—the positive view of Poe’s speaker versus the altogether negative one of H.D.’s-, thus covering part a of the requisites. The next two lines then serve to address part b of our criteria in evaluating not only what techniques the poet used—tone, imagery, and diction, etc.—but also how he used these techniques to better convey the speakers' feelings towards Helen; it also provides a generalization about what type of technique was used (i.e. was the diction positive? negative?). Furthermore, our thesis addressed part c, the ever-important “why” question in our last sentence—"Why do we care about the difference? Why does it matter?", which is something lacking in a lot of theses. Thus, our thesis fulfilled all the necessary criteria and was also specific without giving specific evidence.
I do agree that this thesis is quite spectacular.It addresses the what, the how, and the why. This thesis gives a detailed synopsis of the purpose of the paper and the significance of it. It meets all the criteria and addresses the question as a whole.Group 4, your thesis is frankly, remarkable!
Like Sandra, I REALLY like this group's thesis statement--it was really well thought out, the language is strong and flows perfectly, and it not only fits the group's own criteria, but ALL the groups' criteria. I agree with Nina that the "ever-important 'why'" question" is lacking in a lot of theses, even in the other ones posted, but this one answers it quite well. Good job!
I also like this thesis, particularly the last sentence. I don't know if they are looking for this on the AP exam, but I think the way this group tied the poems into a greater historical and social context is pretty cool. However, maybe it's just because I was intrigued by the idea proposed in that sentence, but I thought it sounded as if it were setting up a different essay.
Of all the thesis statements presented, I really enjoy this one because, as Cora stated, it covers what EVERY thesis should have, while pertaining to the question at hand. I actually forgot about including the "why" in the thesis criteria and this one made me realize that, so I would say that this thesis is complete in answering everything necessary. However, I think that the last sentence is not so correct, because although there is a contrast between the two views, you really can't say that people actually hated Helena; it's pure speculation, really. Sure, she has been portrayed as an amazing figure throughout history, and history does show that her beauty left so much destruction, but you can't say that everyone actually hated her for it. Obviously, Paris and Menelaus seemed to love her enough to not care about the destruction they would leave over her beauty.
Out of all the thesis statements, I think that this one was the best! It fits the criteria that group 4 has set including both speakers' views of Helen, how the various techniques are used to create this view, and it also addresses why these two poems are different. I think the thesis gets straight to the point and doesn't throw in useless sentences that don't "mean" anything. I especially like the last line because it shows why these two poems were presented together in the first place. I also like how the group incorporated the tone along with diction and imagery to show a contrast between the two poems. Very nice!
Very well done--this thesis not only meets the criteria but exceeds them as well. I particularly liked how, in the justification, the group stated that the thesis is "specific without giving specific evidence." The group's criteria, which their thesis fully meets, not only ensure that the essay prompt is fully addressed but also goes beyond this by demonstrating deeper insight into the two poems, the significance of the two contrasting views. Additionally, it is well organized, integrates rich vocabulary, and has a quality of specificity without excess.
This thesis is very well thought-out and shows a really strong vocabulary. It accurately meets the stated criteria, especially the most important one that I believe every other group left out: WHY DOES THIS MATTER?! It also answers "what?" (contrasting views) and "how?" (elevated diction, praising tone, aggressive imagery, etc).
The answer to "why?" seems out of place, but I think it's because a lot of us aren't used to putting in a 'why'... or at least I know I'm not.
I envy your awesome thesis statement, group 4.
Hm... I hadn't realized that "The group's spectacular thesis of joy was:" was not actually part of the thesis until I re-read the entire thing. Until I overcame that bit of ignorance, I was extremely confused. Anyways...
I shall give a digital thumbs-up to you, group 4. I believe your last sentence is extremely accurate. As everyone has clearly mentioned, this thesis incorporates all of the criteria of the other groups, but also gives it some pizzazz in the presentation. Congrats on being extremely specific.
This thesis brings to mind the task of pumping something like this out of our skulls, along with the rest of an essay, in forty minutes.
I really enjoyed reading this essay, and I would probably give it a score of 8. It was very nicely organized, despite the class discussions that the essay for this prompt would be better written in topic-topic format. To quote the scoring guide, the essay strongly demonstrated “an understanding of the poems and the thematic material they contrast.” It was very convincing and effective. Like the “excellent essay” we read in class, this one is “noteworthy for its perceptive analysis and mature style.” Your topic sentences were straight and to-the-point. There were little fillers in your body paragraphs—mostly only excellent supporting evidence. Good job Group 4!!
I was just disappointed when I realized that the “why” part from your original thesis statement was deleted. It had been part of your group’s criteria for a thesis and you received a lot of applauds for it. Still, I think your conclusion does make a similarly interesting “why” answer.
I would give this essay a 7/8. The essay clearly demonstrates an understanding of the poems and of such elements as speaker, diction, and imagery. There is evident breadth of vocabulary throughout, and the essay offers a fairly convincing interpretation not only of the two poems in themselves but in respect to one another as well. Additionally, the essay contains ample use of evidence and references from the poems. Some ideas could have been more clearly expressed, but at the same time, it was evident that the writers had a sound understanding of both poems because although some points of the essay are not expressed with complete clarity, they still demonstrate the writers' "ability to read perceptively" and some really rich ideas. I especially like the writers' statement that "Helen embodies all 'the glory that was Greece' (line 9) and the 'grandeur' found in Rome. It's just one example of some very eloquently expressed ideas with apt vocabulary and effective use of evidence. Overall, the essay had more strengths than weaknesses. I think it's clear that were it not for the time constraint, the essay would have easily been an 8/9.
Great essay. Excluding the criteria for discussing the form of the poems, I would give this essay an 8; otherwise I would have possibly given it a 7.
Your essay contains great vocabulary and presents your argument in a straightforward way. You have a clear way of using evidence of supporting your ideas. I liked how you discussed each poem in its entirety instead by topic. Your essay was well-supported and I did not find any flaws in your interpretation, therefore, I did not think it just to give it a 6 or 7.
This essay was by far the best! I just loved how it flowed from one word to the next without sounding awkward. Group 4 clearly answered the prompt with insightful thoughts and ideas and included supporting evidence to back up every statement. I also really enjoyed the conclusion because not only did it explain why it was different, but how it was different and what it showed because it was different. Group 4 also had great control over their vocabulary and explained the differences in the poem in a very concise way. Also instead of just stating that the poems had different imagery and tone, they used words such as "hostile" and "bitter" to describe what kind of difference in imagery and tone. Overall I would give this poem a 8 because it displays great understanding of how each view is portrayed.
As I commented on the thesis already, I must say that the essay lived up to my expectations, and I would give it an 8. The group presents numerous pieces of evidence and really analyzes every one of them, showing that they truly understanding the poems presented, and even though they only had 40 minutes, they really knocked it out of the park! What I really enjoyed was the conclusion, where the group talked about what the point of view, where Poe's speaker wasn't direcly affected by Helen's beauty, and Dolittle's speaker was. Thus, the group concluded how the first speaker can only "marvel at her beauty and believe that she is a source of greatness" whereas the second speaker was "directly affected by Helen" and will only love her when "she is in her grave" and not able to cause any more destruction. The group was really perceptive and thorough in their conclusions and reasoning, and I applaud them!
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