Connection without Communication?
Communication is vital because it is the bridge that connects individuals emotionally however it often proves difficult due to the fear of judgment and misunderstanding. In Mrs. Dalloway, Virginia Woolf illustrates that no connection or understanding between individuals can occur with a lack of communication.
Woolf’s primary example in depicting the negative effects of lack of communication comes in the form of the interactions between Septimus Smith and those around him. Septimus fears telling his own doctor, Sir William Bradshaw, the man he should have an open relationship with, what he feels. Septimus thinks, “if [I] confess… if [I] communicate… would they let [me] off then?” and considers Sir William as “his tormenter” (98). Also, Septimus’s relationship with his own wife, Rezia, is strained due to both the language barrier that exists and Septimus’s illness and paranoia. Through the point of view of Rezia, the narration comments repeatedly that Septimus is “talking aloud to himself” and Rezia comments to her husband that he is “talking nonsense to frighten [her]” (93) whenever he attempts communication. Even when he attempts communication, Septimus is misunderstood by the people around him which further adds to his problem of trusting others to understand what he is saying. In fact, he is the only character that truly understands the necessity of communication in life, to the point of exclaiming that “communication is health; communication is happiness” (93.)
posted by Ms. Clapp @ 2:00 PM
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14 Comments:
Hi everyone :-D
The connection without communication makes complete sense. I agree with the group when they talked about communication being the key element in life in order to survive. However, I think that the person with the least communication was not Sepitmus but Mrs. Dalloway. Septimus never lied about who he was and the experiences he had been through. Septimus had been in the war and seen things that many had not seen, therefore people expected him to not be able to communicate correctly or have the easiness to be able to talk to others about what he is going through. It is just what is expected. In Mrs. Dalloway's case I feel that she has the choice in order to speak clearly and talk to others about how she truly feels. Mrs. Dalloway switches thoughts constantly throughout the book. One minute she is being utterly vulnerable to Peter Walsh and his question about her happiness on page 48, and then as soon as a distraction is imposed, she hides who she really is, and doesn't let the world let alone someone who seems to be dearly close to her understand what she really is going through. I think that not only does Mrs. Dalloway have a problem with miscommunication but every character in the story. They say one thing but feel completley different things as their thoughts progress in their own privacy.
Also this miscommunication amongst character's is causing them to hide things from one another that seriously causes sadness between each other. For example Mrs. Dalloway is not happy as we can all see and she doesn't show anyone not even Richard who is her husband. She is sad and thinks she should be content but since she never speaks to anyone or lets anyone understand what she really yearns for, the miscommunication stays there, prolonging itself.
I feel that the entire lack of communication in the book is Woolf's way of pointing out the significance of being able to express yourself.
We discussed earlier in class one day, I don't remember who said this, but they noticed the contrast between the actual dialogue of the characters and what actually goes through their mind. This contrast shows how afraid the characters are of showing what they really feel, and I think that contributes to the overall meaning of the story. Characters often find themselves reflecting on missed oppurtunities and regrets, and wondering what would have been different if they had done something different, or been able to say what they felt. The lack of communication keeps one from truly expressing their inner emotions, and does not let them fulfill their lives.
The fact that throughout the book, the dialogue is often such a contrast with what's actually being said that it shows how despite the fact that the characters are indeed talking to each other, they aren't truly communicating.
While the idea that communication is the act of talking to each other, in reality the characters themselves aren't talking to each other if all they're saying isn't truly what they think. As Septimus stated earlier, "if [I] confess...would they let [me] off then?" (98) This made me think of the act of confession in the church, and how by confessing for your sins you in turn atone for them. While this is the common idea in the eye of the religion it's used in, often when people confess in real life, they are often judged, which is where Septimus got his hesitation from. However, without proper communication things can go awry; when facts aren't presented clearly, when ideas and words are misinterpreted, etc. With the near total lack of communication presented in Mrs. Dalloway, you see that while the characters may have had feelings for each other, unless they communicated with each other, there was no real connection present.
However, in the novel, Woolf reveals instances which contradict the importance of verbal communication. An instance where one does not have to say what they mean but the other person understands.
Richard says, “The time comes when it can’t be said; one’s too shy to say [I love you],” a phrase which one never does say, “Partly one’s lazy; partly one’s shy. Bearing his flowers like a weapon, Richard Dalloway approached her; intent he passed her; still there was time for a spark between….Taking his flowers, “she understood; she understood without his speaking; his Clarissa”(117-118).
In relationships and in the instance of marriage, Mr. Gallagher points out, “often marriage isn’t based on love but rather compatibility.” Clarissa admits that she couldn’t marry Peter because she “needed support” and Richard provides this.
This paper establishes the importance of human connection but one must not forget that there are cases where humans by instinct understand one another.
I wanted to add a bit onto what Rorschach said about Richard trying to tell Clarissa that he loves her, how he wanted to "open the drawing-room door and come in holding out something; a present for Clarissa" (173). Like the original group suggested, there really isn't a connection without communication. And as Rorschach said, communication does not have to be verbal. We all know that a picture says a thousand words, but actions say a lot more. It's just ironic that Richard didn't really verbally communicate well after saying "it is a thousand pities never to say what one feels" (175).
Also, reading Mrs. Dalloway, I sensed a distance between Peter and Clarissa, never truly saying what they meant. We can all tell that Peter loves Clarissa because Woolf communicated that to us through his point of view, but it is his lack of communication to get that across to Clarissa. Had he done it long ago, things may have been different now. But like I have stated in a response to one of the other blogs, true communication brings the hope for finding meaning in life (Peter telling Clarissa he loves her etc).
(A quick aside: the last paragraph of this seems to have been cut off... there was more, but continue with your thoughts.)
I completely agree at what your saying here. Miscommunication and telling the truth of what you felt or telling it when you should, never goes out well. Septimus is great example. Since he was already talking nonsense most of the time, it was hard to take him seriously and when he did talk serious and had something to say, nobody really cared because they had already gotten used to him talking "nonsense."
I like how you guys bring up the fact that Septimus asked himself if he did tell the doctor the truth what would happen? He knew that people didn't take him seriously. The guy might have lost of couple of screws in his head, but he wasn't stupid.
Communication is such an important thing and even when you hear people say communication is really big in a relationship. even though it is over used it is so true. If people never talked about their feelings or how they felt towards something nobody would be married long. Viriginia Woolf showing the lack of communication says alot of how people during this time era where like. They were very social, but kept alot of throughts to themselves, but at the same time their was miscommunication.
While Septimus is the conspicuous focus of the miscommunication, I agree with Analu that Clarissa has more issues with miscommunication than Septimus does. Communication is vital in society but there usually seems to be things in the way of communication. One could be language barriers, while another is just the urge to bottle things up. And evidently, with Clarissa's perfect hostess facade, she bottles many things up. The English have a way with formalities (Stevens from The Remains of the Day) that tends to beat around the bush, and so when the scene with Mrs. Dalloway and Peter Walsh talking, they gathered their words like soldiers in a war (44). They were defensive and offensive, a battle of egos, afraid of being hurt when all that really goes on is something like love. Yet the masks and revelry continues.
This makes me think of that phrase, "Communication is key in a relationship", and I agree. The characters always seem distant from each other because of their inability to express their thoughts or feelings. I think communication goes hand in hand with age. I feel that when we are younger, as children, is the time where we have the greatest ability to communicate. We don't really have anything to hold us back, but as we grow older we put barriers around the words we say, or at least are in our minds, because we are so concerned with the other person's reaction.
I think Woolf uses this style where thoughts overcome dialogue almost as a way to show equality in human beings. The characters in the book are different from each other, but they all suffer the same problem. While Peter Walsh hates the high society class, he still has the same problem of miscommunication as them. Also, although Septimus seems nuttier than the other characters, they all can't seem to put their emotions and thoughts in words and actions like him.
The scene I remember that involves miscommunication is between Ms. Kilman and Clarissa. As both have disdain for each other on the inside yet speak politely to one another. I think that there is a balance between privacy and communication that many characters fail to achieve. For example, at the party when Clarissa is alone she notices a women through her window and admires her independence yet she realizes that with privacy and independence comes loneliness.
Yes, the thing that came to mind at first was Ms. Kilman and Mrs. Dalloway's relationship. They both despise eachother because they simply don't understand eachother. Ms. Kilman beieves that Clarissa is frivolous and ditzy, not to mention spoiled. She rarely speaks to her, and therefore hostility is formed. Since Clarissa is hardly religious, she doesn't approve of Ms. Kilman's beliefs. She thinks that she is haugthy and very snobby about her "humbleness".
Miscommunication is the catalyst of hatred. As we witnessed in Mr. Prufrock's Love Song, his inability to communicate his thoughts and his fear of being judged or criticized imprisoned him within his own mind. Woolf knew, as Septimus knew that “communication is health; communication is happiness” (93), and she made this message clear and concise. Mrs. Dalloway herself was the perfect example of one who attempts to communicate with others simply by holding these parties "for the celebration of life."
I completely agree with the group's blog, when they say that "communication is happiness."
Yes, Septimus was unhappy in life because nobody understood him. He was depressed following the war, and when he returns, to add to his pain, he feels as though everyone is going against him. Septimus continually contemplates spilling the heart-ache of his insides, but he is constantly being pushed back from communicating, due to the lack of warmth from his doctor and wife. When he finally has had enough, he decides that the only way that he can express himself, is by committing suicide, so that everyone can realize that he WAS NOT happy, and now would be happy because he has brought an end to his pain.
I completely agree with Analu's post, in that Septimus allowed for everyone to know that he was troubled because of the war, although he may not have gone deep into his feelings. Mrs. Dalloway on the other hand, just as Analu said, could be viewed as someone with a lack of communication. She does not reveal what she wants, but rather, she does what others expect from her instead.
Communication does not just involve speaking—communication is the complete transferring of how one honestly feels. In order to communicate, people need to say how THEY really feel—they should not say something because someone else wants to hear it, because if they do that, then they are not being themselves. This is why characters such as Mrs. Dalloway are continually questioning what their lives would have been like if they were to take different roads—the roads that they wanted.
Communication is definetly an issue in Mrs. Dalloway. When Mrs. Dalloway finds out about Spetimus’ death she herself says that death is a way to communicate. This is very true because by Septimus ending his life. He is able to let everyone know just how dark and heavy he felt. Suicide is a way to release pressure that one can not get rid of or ‘communicate’ to others. Woolf does show that without communication one can feel alone and misunderstood. This can lead to feelings of despair and agony, resulting in death. To comment on the language barrier, I think that physically that the language barrier is a problem however I believe that emotions are universal. Septimus also is a man and they are not always open to express their emotions. Him allowing to bottle up his emotions and let them get to where he couldn’t handle it casue his suicide. In turn Woolf shows that communication is a way to release stress.
The idea of communication- or lack of is a very prominent theme in the novel. Love is one of the main themes that seem to portray the idea of miscommunication. One example of no communication is the relationship of Clarissa and Peter. Both of these people do not want to express their true feelings for each other in fear if losing the “battle.” This leads to the ex-couple separating and feeling regretful of their actions. Another example of miscommunication that I saw in the novel that this group also saw is the miscommunication between Rezia and Septimus. Both of these people do not want to talk about the biggest issue in their relationship, which is Septimus’ insanity. This miscommunication leads to Septimus’s death which also fills each person with regret.
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