Poetry Parlor
Here's the space to post selected student poems. Please read your classmates' work and comment (with specifics) on their poems...
Please comment by 12/6.
posted by Ms. Clapp @ 12:15 PM
29 comments
Monday, December 03, 2007
Please comment by 12/6.
29 Comments:
Ode To Apple
I crave for your bright red delicious sphere
-your juicy crunch leads me to your small core.
I wonder when your shape will reappear
inside my fridge when I open the door.
You caused the fall of all of humankind;
unable to resist you, Eve bit down.
Well, sinful if this is, I do not mind.
For lack of you I'd always wear a frown.
What would I leave atop my teachers' desks?
What would I eat at midnight for a snack?
My doctor would sigh, "Ah, I must confess,
without apples, you have an injured back!"
You see, life with no apples just won't do.
Who'd disagree with me, I ask you, who?
A Sip of Motivation
Shall I drink this coffe on which I lean?
Through my veins pumping and helping me jive
Is it something special inside that bean?
It always works allowing me to thrive.
The color must be of ebony black,
And of that sugar must be simply sweet
In order to eliminate the slack,
The quarterly I'm faced with must be beat.
Whether it is a light cream or skim milk,
Of all variety I can find,
It's sure definite to be smooth as silk
When I'm in an inescapable bind.
Caffeine has become my new best of friends
All of my morning laziness it mends!
This comment has been removed by the author.
Gossip Girls
How can we escape the eyes so judging?
As this pair of silent girls walk briskly?
How can they judge the heart that is bleeding?
Our fake smiles, disappering quickly.
With speed that matches the wind that hushes
As it's rustling the leaves which help to hide,
Whispered gossip, revealing our crushes,
Along with the tracks that were once our guides.
And now though the snow and leaves are settled
Our whisperes are still so soft and gentle.
And now that we're far from ears that meddled
The walls the hid our secrets will crumble.
We'll spill it all, so many emotions
Tears, the remains of all this commotion.
Okay, so while I'm on, I might as well make my comments for the other two poems.
"Ode to Apple"
Is, "I love this sonnet" a good enough comment...no. Okay. First of all, the meter, I know that this is how it's supposed to be,but i still have to applaud her on it. It seems so smooth and all her rimes were so simple. I felt like some of my rhymes, if they can be called that , wer forced but here Jess makes it look so easy. Also, here imagery and connotative stories, like Eve, and the Doctor help lend the perfect upbeat, humerous tone that Jess is aiming for.
"A Sip of Motivation"
Again, Nicole's form is perfect, her rimes are easy to follow and have a great flow. It's different from Jess' in that one can't just read it straight through though, which is interesting. With Jess' because the images were so familiar, we could grasp it on the first read. With Nicole though, you really have to read it a couple times to get the images she's trying to send. She describes it literally, but there seems to be such another layer under this, also about how she sees it in her daily life, it's more than just cofee, its a motivation.
If I Didn’t Have To Write a Villanelle
If only I didn’t have to do this,
I would be content with relaxation.
I would be so extremely full of bliss.
I could daydream freely and reminisce
About the previous celebration,
If only I didn’t have to do this.
I could be eating a chocolate kiss,
Savoring the sweetness of temptation,
I would be so extremely full of bliss.
I could be saving myself from abyss
In not dealing with procrastination,
If only I didn’t have to do this.
I could be jumping high with happiness,
With no particular explanation,
I would be so extremely full of bliss.
Maybe I could even do things I miss,
But can this be a consideration?
If only I didn’t have to do this,
I would be so extremely full of bliss.
Yes, I'm also going to copy Gen and comment on the other poems while I'm here anyway. First, I am loving all the poems by everyone so far, every topic seems to connect to our lives in high school so perfectly. I guess everyone had school on their mind while trying to write these poems! Therefore, I just find this connection very interesting =)
"Ode to Apple" was really well-written. I love the connections I saw to daily life, well- known sayings, and our lessons in English class! It flowed very nicely, and the quatrains also rhymed perfectly. Imagery was very vivid and strong, where I could picture every line perfectly well. I especially love the aspect of humor in it. I definitely agree with Jess that "life with no apples just won't do."
"A Sip of Motivation" was also great, I definitely am one of the victims of this poem, because without that cup of coffee each morning, I'd probably won't function correctly. The rhymes in Nicole's poem were so upbeat in a way, like it was a dance. Isn't the jive or java a dance? And again, the imagery was very powerful, I could almost imagine myself sinking into the creamy, silky texture of the coffee and mesmerized by it's scent and sweetness.
"Gossipp Girls" was a bit different from the Jess and Nicole's poems, for the thought was written in a more complex way. It was a poem where I had to read 2-3 times before I understood all the hidden connotations within. But, wow, this was a fabulous poem! The topic was interesting, and very true in our daily high school drama, people backstabbing and putting on a fake disguise. I especially love how Gen used personification to bring everything to life.
Overall, I love every single one of these poems. AWESOME job everybody!
And You Say You Know More?
Please do not tell me that’s what you wore,
To that party down the street,
When you say you know more
About fashion than a store.
What is that you got on your feet?
Please do not tell me that’s what you wore.
Looking like a pleasantly plump bore;
I would say that you did not meet,
When you say you know more,
Fashion as an easy chore.
When the person came to greet,
Please do not tell me that’s what you wore.
If you had asked me I’m sure I would be able to explore
The world of fashion, and come up with something sweet.
When you say you know more
About fashion than me it makes me sore.
So for the last time I will repeat,
Please do not tell me that’s what you wore
When you say you know more.
Ode to Apple...i absolutely loved it!!! It was a little funny too. The allusion that you made to Eve in the Garden of Eden was really good too. After reading your poem i realized that i really cant disagree with you, because apples really do stand for a lot in life, so you are right, "no apples just wont do."
A Sip of Motivation...I really like the title and how it connects to the whole theme of coffee.Your choice of words painted a picture in my head of a cup of unroasted coffee beans in the beginning, like something i would see on a Dunkin Dounuts commercial. =] I really liked it!!
Gossip Girls...when i first read the title i thought that the poem was going to take the side of the "gossip girls" but it didnt. So i really liked how you made that switch and made the tone kind of sad, kind of having pity for the people that the girls are gossiping about.
If I Didnt Have to Write a Villanelle...this popem was funny it reminded me of that Billy Collins poem we read when he was making fun of the sonnet. You in a way are making fun of the villanelle but in a funny manner. I makes it look like writing a villanelle could actually be fun[when we all know that isnt true] =]
Blank
Nothing ever comes to mind when it’s time to write
It’s just something I can’t comprehend
The words and I are always in a fight.
I think and think with all my might
And although sometimes I get ideas from a friend
Nothing ever comes to mind when it’s time to write.
Here I sit and agonize in the dark of night
And although I try to get my mind to bend
The words and I are always in a fight.
Hopefully one day I’ll be able to see the light
Or I’ll get the ideas my brain is trying to send
Nothing ever comes to mind when it’s time to write.
Perhaps it’s because I’m not that bright,
Since I need words from someone to lend,
The words and I are always in a fight.
Will I ever be cured of this terrible plight?
Will this misery ever come to an end?
Nothing ever comes to mind when it’s time to write
The words and I are always in a fight.
"A Sip of Motivation" - I like how this sonnet is about a simple necessity in life. I can relate to it. It is structured very well, and flows nicely- first asking questions in wonder, then describing her perfect coffee, then easing into the conclusion that caffeine helps her function.
"Gossip Girls" - Someone's been watching too much TV...=P I like how she connects the idea of gossiping girls to the seasons. It is very good use of imagery. I also like the subject matter, because the idea of gossiping seems so immature and petty, and it is an idea that can be treated lightly, but this sonnet goes deeper and treats it seriously, and shows how it can be very hurtful, with the use of painful words, such as "bleeding" and "tears."
"If I Didn't Have to Write a Villanelle" - This is very clever! I like how she used her real feelings at the moment to write this. I also think it flowed really well, because, though villanelles are supposed to be repetitive, I think the repetition can sometimes sound a bit cheesy or over dramatic if not used correctly or cleverly, but the repetition in this poem works well.
"And You Say You Know More?" - I love how, once again- as everyone else did, she wrote about something that's relevant to her everyday life. I like the attitude, and it came across very well and effectively. And, like Jing's, the repetition flows well with the poem.
"Blank" - This one also reminds me of Jing's, in terms of the subject of having to write something. Her tone comes across well, with the two lines that are repeated. The reader can tell she is tired of her writer's block. And I like how she personifies "words", saying she's always fighting them. It emphasizes her inner conflict, while also making it seem as if it's not just a problem within herself, but an actual conflict with an outside force-- very clever!
"Ode To Apple"
Wow, Jess really this is complete genius!! I love how you worked in the connections that people associate apples with and, agreeing with Gen, the rhymes are really smooth. =)
"Gossip Girls"
The form is perfect, and I love how Gen worked in something most people experience in life =] especially in high school...And, I really enjoyed all the layers the poem has.
"If I didn't Have To Write A Villanelle"
I really enjoyed the villanelle becuase it doesn't just apply to a villanelle. There are times in life when everyone just doesn't want to do what they have to, but they've got to get through it. The form was perfect and I like all the things that the speaker would rather be doing...mmm chocalate!
"And You Say You Know More?"
Haha, this poem was really just amazing. I could sense the tone right away and it's very well written and the words flow smoothly. =]
"Blank"
The words flow perfectly and it's an easy poem to relate to. Like Jess mentioned, I really enjoyed how the "words" are personified and that the speaker's struggle with finding what to write is such a problem that she fights with them.
I really enjoyed that all of the poems tied in so directly with our lives!
Nicole
Ode to Apple:
Simply brilliant, I loved the line, "You caused the flal of all of humankind; unable to resist you, Eve bit down." It's well written and you cleverly combined all the connotations of apple into one poem.
A Sip of Motivation:
Haha, this poem is wonderful. It definitely captures the reason why everyone drinks coffee...for motivation of course! I love the imagery, such as "inescapable bind" to describe addiction. I've never really thought of coffee this way, as a motivator, instead of a way to wake up in the morning.
Gossip Girls:
Very good imagery. I like how you went through the seasons to describe the exchange of gossip. Your use of the phrase, "with speed that matches the wind." It really helps to get the message of the poem across that gossip spreads fast. Also, I thought the rhythm of the poem flows very smoothly in the first stanza with the questions.
If I Didn't Have to Write a Villanelle:
This reminds me about the whole metaphysical peom thing. This is a villanelle about villanelles. It's a simple idea, but it gets a lot across.
And You Say You Know More?:
Like Nicole, it was easy to notice the tone. I liked how the angry tone builds up as the speaker mocks the way the other person dresses.
Blank:
Great imagery - "Nothing ever comes to mind when it’s time to write
It’s just something I can’t comprehend
The words and I are always in a fight." I think we all can relate a lot to this poem. I know I can. Yes, it does stink when I'm trying to write and when it takes a while to come up with ideas to write about.
I,
Will explain the meaning of my title if you would be so kind,
As to sit through the entire poem and spare me a moment of your time.
I,
Have found that all the clocks in the school operate too fast,
And that there are fewer hours this year than there were in the last.
I,
Have found hair like that off a barber’s floor in my chicken broth,
Yet still gone through the pains of leaving a tip on the table cloth.
I,
Have previously owned over eight different pets,
And wholly believe that (just a little) close to my heart every, animal rests.
I,
Am a smiley-face on a t-shirt, some say;
For my grin starts in the morning and never wanes all day.
I,
Believe that the classroom bears the future for me:
O, Woe is me! Foul metonymy.
The Ode To Apple is really cute and I like how you integrated that with the whole Adam and Eve story. Just reading this, made me want an apple ;)
Nicoollleee! really great coffee poem. It reminds me of all the people that still walk into class with their large Dunkin Donuts Iced Coffee, even in the middle of winter!
Gen, really good poem. You really grasped the idea of girls and their gossiping really well. Then again you are a girl, we all have a little gossip in us anyways ;)
Haha. Great villanelle about not wanting to do a villanelle. I too thought this was kind of challenging, but really nice job!
Thea your poem goes perfectly with you.. "Miss Fahionista" your enjammed sentences flow really nicely.
I really liked Alishas's poem. Easy to read and relate to but yet it tells alot. I'm sure we've all felt like this at least once in this class!
Adrian. GREAT poem. It flows so nicely and you had some great imagery there. It's so complex because it talks about so many things but it's easy to read. I also like the in which you wrote it. Great job.
Ode to Apple- the symbol of the apple! I know from that idea that you seek knowledge. It flows really well. It had a lot of allusions.
A Sip of Motivation - It's so cute! Well written and I agree with Gen how both of these poems so far have reflected how school works.
Gossip Girls - at first I kept thinking of the TV show. I really like the poem Gen! I like the allusions to the seasons and instead of having the point of view be taken from the gossip girls, it's more of the victim. It brought a lot of messages of how our society works in high school. I feel like in high school it's so much different from the rest of the world.
If I Didn’t Have To Write a Villanelle- Another poem related to school. It's funny and it flows really well, I like it. I agree with Thea and how it's like Billy Collin's sonnet about writing a sonnet. It looks easy when it's really not. The entire thing flows really well even with all the repetition.
And You Say You Know More- Same thing as Jing's. You made the poem flow really well even with the repetition.
Blank- I can really relate to this poem! It's very interesting how alisha personified "words" though which was a little funny to me. I feel the pain because words and I are always in a fight too =[.
Adrian's poem was really complex. It was completely different from all the other ones posted which only adds to the good effect. I enjoyed it. Like the rest of the poems it had really good flow.
Nicole...
I loved your sonnet... It was awesome. Probably, because it relates so well to what a lot of us are going though in high school... A lack of sleep.
It was well written, because although what you're saying is clear... you aren't just saying it. You're using really good details like the energy to do the very energetic "jive". "something special inside that bean"... hm wonder what that is!
Ode to Apple.
Jess,
Your ode reminded me of the odes we wrote for Spanish Class! Mine was to a pumpkin. But, anyways, like Gen, I think you had some really nice details. Especially the Eve one.. since your ode revolves around your love/desire towards apples. I reallky liked the Doctor line too! Very funny.
Ok.. now to Gen.
I have to disagree with you Gen. I think your rhymes weren't forced. I thought they were good choices because not only do they rhyme, the connotations and etc. of the word really go with what you are writing of in your poem. I especially liked the "meddled" and "settled" - the meddling ears that affect you even after everything else around you has settled - implying the power it has over you.
All the sonnets above, i think, were really well written.
Ok. Jingle Bellz!..
I really really really liked your Villanelle. It flowed very well. The enjammed (sp?) was really good too. It was simple, yet elegant. What can I say? It was really really good.
Haha!! Thea . your poem was awesome. The mocking/annoyed/ironic tone was very clear right from the beginning.
Blank: Alisha.... I can almost see you writing this poem!. And you said you struggled! It was well-written, and I can clearly sense your personality/attitude/emotions from the poem. It's filled with things you would normally say. But, you know... You and the words aren't ever in a fight. They work very well with you.
Adrian...
I had to reread your last two lines before i got it(at least i think i got it)... Metonmy is referring the the classroom/education right??!!!
Anyways, I liked how you structured the poem, with the "I" in the beginning. It was really nice.
Hope that's the end of the poems.... but, i'll check back later to see if there's more!
Sonnet
The bright moonlight shined on the serene lake,
Casting a shadow of luminous green.
Dancing fireflies, fragments of light make,
A sight more beautiful than he’d e’re seen.
His face pressing agn’st the light glistening,
Accentuating wrinkles present here.
His ears straining, engaged in listening,
Trying to discern sounds he could not hear.
Nature’s process seems eternally new,
Rejuvenating itself ev’ry time.
Features of youth in him seem far and few.
His mind and body as coarse as a dime.
Times bring dusk upon a man from his dawn,
But nature is timeless going on and on.
Ode to Apple: This poem is great! I love how the speaker talks to food as if it were a person. This gives the apple life. At the same time, I like how you make an excuse for why Eve bit into the apple—it’s just that good. From the descriptions in the poem, I can feel the love the speaker has for apples and its essentialness in the speaker’s life, suggested through its versatility in giving it to a teacher, having it for a midnight snack, and of course stating that “life without apples just won’t do.” However, alas I disagree. I most definitely can live without apples! :-)
A Sip of Motivation: In this sonnet, the concept of the strength of coffee is pervasive throughout. It’s able to give the speaker the motivation she needs to complete the quarterly (and probably other tests as well), as well as stop being lazy. I especially like the descriptive diction like “thrive” and “jive” because it allows the reader to understand the effects coffee has on the speaker. In addition, the speaker involves the reader’s sense by describing coffee’s taste (sweet because of the sugar), feel (silk because of the milk), all mixed with “the color…of ebony black.” Nice job!
Gossip Girls: Like Jess, I’m fascinated how Gen took a “light” subject like gossip and attached a serious tone to it, forcing the reader to understand the consequences of gossip, the saddest of which are “tears, the remains of all this commotion.” This effect is also created by the rhetorical questions posed at the beginning, especially the use of “bleeding” to describe one’s heart due to this gossip. It just makes the poem seem so real.
If I Didn’t Have To Write A Villanelle: Jing, I love this poem! Unlike my villanelle, it flows so smoothly. It also captures the “bliss” and serenity the speaker feels if they didn’t have to write the villanelle. (I can definitely relate.) It amazes me how you thought of so many words with the –ation ending to rhyme. (I know I wouldn’t have thought of that many.)
And You Say You Know More?: I like this poem because the disgusted tone is upfront—“in your face.” Also, in my opinion, the use of “please” at the beginning is ironic since as I was reading it, I thought the speaker was going to comment on how they disapproved of another’s clothing because it was inappropriate, not because the speaker didn’t think the other knew how to dress. It’s also funny to me when the speaker referred to the addressee as a “pleasantly plump bore.” The alliteration makes it appear nice, but the underlying meanness is there when the person is called a “bore.”
Adrian’s poem: The use of “I” in the poem places the emphasis on the speaker. This allows the reader to connect with the speaker through the relatable topics, such as time passing too fast, caring about animals, or believing that education is the future. It also allows the poem to have a colloquial tone, thus making it easy to read, although it is a bit complex.
Sonnet: I like the complexity of this sonnet. It’s descriptiveness of nature (“shadow of luminous green” and “fireflies”) and with the juxtaposition of age forces the reader to contemplate how time passes and how it affects people versus how it affects nature. I also like how George was able to play with the meter by using contractions (? I forgot what these were called) to shorten the number of syllables. Nice job George!
Adrian's Poem:
I had to read this over a couple of times to finally get the idea. You're obviously talking about school with the reference to clocks and the hair in the chicken broth. I really liked the way the poem is set up with the phrase, "I..." It makes the poem unique.
Sonnet:
I love the imagery in the poem. It creates a calm and serene tone in the poem. The man is waiting for something as time flies by him, while nature doesn't, it is timeless. Very good idea.
Ode to Apple: I really like the imagery in this sonnet., The whole bright red delicious sphere part was really good. I also like the biblical allusion to Eve ‘crunching’ down on the apple, really good connections.
Sip of Motivation: I like the title for one, and it makes greater relevance after having read the poem, really good stuff. I also found the reference to the quarterly that must be beat quite ingenious and creative. Nice imagery too, of the coffee pumping through her veins as opposed to blood.
Gossip girls: I found this sonnet particularly interesting because of its intense tone and the speaker’s firm stand on gossiping. I liked how imagery focuses on the movement of wind, making it feel like the rumors are spread in the wind or are covered in the rustling of the leaves. Nice sonnet.
If I Didn’t Have To Write a Villanelle: really good topic, with he whole meta-villanelle thing going on. Good job on the two lines, the ones that repeat throughout and have to relate the whole poem’s meaning in and of themselves. Really enjoyable read, and got me thinking about what I could be doing instead of all my tedious homework…
And you say you know more: All I can say is this poem was very “Thea”. I could actually hear Thea’s assertive and very to-the-point voice resonating through this poem. Very nice flow with the -ore rhyme, I especially liked the “pleasantly plump bore part”, very well written. Kudos.
Blank: Bravo! Alicia. Very nice poem. Flowed very well and was quite enjoyable to read. Nice imagery with the ‘mind-bending’ and the ‘word-lending’. And it looks like you also overcame your lack of what to write, in a very splendid fashion, if I do say so myself.
I: I wrote this as a poem reflecting who I am, not all the references are to school though (such as the chicken-broth part). All in all, I hope my purpose rings true and I hope the poem does me justice, if not the other way around.
Sonnet: George, Of course, who else could have written this sonnet but you? Very nice imagery at the beginning with the luminescent green (ooooooh! aaaaaah!) and I especially liked the final two lines for the way they summed up the sonnet’s general idea. Very well executed!
Th’ Th’ Th’ Th’ Th’ Th’ Th’ Th’ Th’ That’s all, folks!!!!!!!!
Ode to Apple
I love the title first of all. Apples seem so trivial, but you make them truly spectacular with your use of words such as "delicious" and refering to them as "sinful"
I love the word, "crave" as well as it connotates desire to an great extent.
The referenece to the the fall from grace i feel is a great touch. It makes your desire for the apple so more scandelous. This goes too for the 'wisdom' aspect with the reference to the placement on teachers desk.
Anyways, I applaude the fact that you can turn such a trivial fruit these days into a truly literary symbol that it should be.
In addition, The "Sip of Motivation" takes another aspect of food (in this case drink) and puts a strong touch and magic to it. I enjoy how you started off you poem with a question; Should I or shant I? Again, thr question prompts me to believe that there is some scandelous aspect to this drink.
One comment, though, about the "ebony black"; Isn't ebony itself black? I mean to say that it feels sort of repiptious, unless that was what you were going for. In that case, it makes the blackness of the coffee stand out.
Connecting these poems, I find that besides the fact that they talk about foods which sparks my interest, they have positive aspects and outlooks.
So meters, they flow nicely. I can easily read along and become enthrolled, especially in Nicole's poem, where the rythem is so well put together.
George, I must also comment on your poem for the fact that I love the scene. I find that the alliterations make the poem more memorable, and your control of language makes the aspect of the lake like the bright moon stand out.
aha, I love these poems, guys! You did a great job. First off, Nicole, your poem about coffee is well-articulated and I can really relate! (As a matter of fact, I'm drinking coffee as we speak =p The rhyme scheme you used in your poem is easy to follow and makes the ready get the idea of how smooth the actual coffee is from your rhyme scheme.
Gossip Girls is a really great poem. I like how you used imagery to describe and help the reader become part of these seemingly insignificant and immature rumors that, by the end, the reader realizes has a far stronger and more hurtful effect than usually associated with such a petty activity.
Ode To Apple: The poem was engaging thoughout and I enjoyed how the poem played with the different manners in which apples are usually connected to and some what mocked. It had a great use of sarcasm within it. And the referance to Eve was enlightening, yet predictable, but thats what made the poem great, you knew what was comming, but it was done creatively.
A Sip of Motivation: Nicole, you've always told me how you find your poems to be a bit childlike, but honestly, I never see it in your poems, and althought I'm not a caffeine addict, you "showed" me and did not tell me what the "hook" was all about. It was interesting read how something so simple as coffee can turn into something so interesting.
Gossip Girls- The element that appealed to me most was your use of rhyme, and imagery. It really brought the true character out. It was a fun poem to read, and it gives something for the readers to relate to especially for the female teenage audience, but I wonder did you get the inspiration from the show or your daily life?
If I didn't have to Write a Villanelle- I think this is a poem everyone in our class could really relate to, really funny, and the repetition was used wisely, and did not make the poem seem tasteless or run down.
And you Say You Know More?- The language is simple, yet it feels like the words for the poem have been especially made to fit the poem, and I like how you used your skill, and talent, to express your feelings through a poem. You were to the point without any extraneuos information, yet you still provided an image. Really enjoyable to read.
Blank- To have nothing to write about, I found it really interesting to see how you splurge your emotions on paper, without making it seem as if it were a "stream conciouss" form of literature.
Sonnet- Geogre, your poetry reminded me alot of Shakespeare's style of writing, it was really impressive to see how alike you can be. The use of nature and diction were both highly elevated within you poem as opposed to the rest, but really an interesting poem :)
Adrian- I thought out of everyone you had your own distinct sense of style, and I hadn't read a poem like that previously so I enjoyed that aspect of your poem. The tiny personal features you dealt with in your poem really showed your personality.
I am a hugenormous dork and sat here for fifteen minutes tapping out the rhythm of all of the sonnets and making sure they were all in iambic pentameter.
And, of course they all were.
Jess--You're sonnet was thouroughly intriguing because it kept me on my feet-I wasnt sure where the references were going to head-and I had to catch myself from wanting an apple bad enough to stop reading and go in search of one. Great job.
Nicole--So because you're a freak and made me proof read this for you before you passed it in, I'm already familiar with it. Your description doesn't lose it's meaning, even in the context of the inverted syntax that you were forced to use in some places. Not only that, but I love the personification of caffiene at the end(it's like your bestest freind!)
Gen--Though, I have to admit, I don't actually watch Gossip Girls, the idea of your sonnet isn't lost on me. I think the idea of the "popular girls" who everyone loves to hate exists everywhere, and it's simple to identify with. I love the imagery that you used throughout.
Jingle bells!!(How ironically festive btw)--I love that you turned your anxiety about writing a vilanelle into your vilanelle-very clever. It's also amazing that you chose such a different rhyme scheme-(words that end in "tion" aren't as common as words that end in "o" or "ee") Good job.
Thea--I identify with your subject(as I'm sure a lot of us do) I admire your use of emjamnment, because for the life of me every time I use an enjamned sentence, it comes out sounding wrong. I read your vilanelle out loud, and I ddin't sound silly or stupid. It works so well.
Alisha--Not only was your vilanelle clever, but it was well structured too. it fit the form perfectly and covered a topic that I'm sure we all deal with-the terrifying-writer's block. I love that you put yourself into a battle with the words, like they're your enemy, even though we all know English is our best friend:-)
Adrian-I loved this poem. I remember sitting down and trying to write something clever when Ms. Clapp assigned us the task of desribing ourselves in poetic terms. Yours was really good. After reading it, I really do get a sense of who you are, and how you handle your life. (I completely agree with the smiley face comment too)
George--GREAT sonnet. The rhymes flowed really well, and your meter was perfect. It seems like such a sad topic though; it was quite different from the other sonnets that were posted.
Adrian, your poem is very clever. I really like your use of the various figures of speech. They flow well together, as opposed to sounding forced, because the assignment was to include them all. I especially like your use of metonymy, and the way in which you point it out. Talking about the school's clocks paints a better picture, that we can relate to, as opposed to if you were to use the abstract word of time. I really enjoyed it. =)
George, nice job. The overall message of your poem is very Shakespearean-esque, with the exploration of old age and timeless nature. Out of all of the poems posted, this one stood out as sort of traditional and communicated a meaning larger than the moments of our daily lives. I like your use of contractions, which adds to the Shakespeare-like feel. And I like the contrast between nature and aging. I especially like the last two lines, because they tie it all together and really drive the point home.
Ode To Apple
This poem creates great connection to the allusions that we are studying in class. I found the end-stop particularly fitting for this poem because the short declarative lines convey forcefulness in the author’s voice that will definitely suggest the importance of the apple. Also, the words that were chosen for the description in the first few lines are very vivid, allowing the reader to actually sense the apple and not just be told of the apple. Great job Jess.
A Sip of Motivation
Wow I never thought so deeply about coffee until now. This sonnet does a great job of conveying many different aspects of coffee in a very limited amount of space (just 14 lines). It describes the coffee’s color and how it should taste like for it to be perfect. It also describes the type of sweetener that must accompany the coffee. Finally, it explains in detail, the effect that the coffee has on the speaker, which I believe was the best part of the poem. The imagery created by the metaphor and simile is definitely to remember. I will never think about coffee the same way again.
Gossip Girls
This is a well written poem that relies on an association between the physical landscape and the manner with which the girls speak to each other. This connection is made clear by the descriptions of the “snow and leaves” juxtaposed with the topics of discussion that the girls are engaged in. The ending of this poem is especially interesting as it is left open for the reader to interpret.
If I Didn’t Have To Write a Villanelle
I wish I didn't either. Jing, I really enjoyed reading your meta-poem about the Villanelle. I and probably the rest of the class can all connect well to what you said in the poem. Your stress in writing this poem is conveyed very well by the selective mentioning of all of the things that are generally associated with being fun as alternatives to writing the poem. The choice of subject itself creates an inherent irony that is sure to captivate the reader. The author is writing a poem about how hard it is to write the poem. Great Job!
And You Say You Know More?
Great use of enjambment between stanzas. I have always had trouble with that in my poetry. The villanelle form is a difficult form to master because there are so many restrictions, but Thea has done so very well in this poem about fashion.
Blank
This is another terrific example of meta-poetry at its finest. I don’t know if I personally enjoy meta-poems a great deal, but I really liked reading this one about writer’s block. It conveys basically the same idea as Jing’s villanelle but approaches from a different direction. While Jing focused on why the writing was not enjoyable, Alisha focused more on the lack of inspiration, which causes the frustration. The very connotative words such as “misery” and “plight” effectively show me the agony that the writer without ideas faces. I really enjoyed reading all of these poems. They were not only all great pieces of work but they also had a very wide variety of different subjects and approaches. Kudos to all who posted.
ok so Im going in order
Ode to Apple
Jess, I love your poem! I think you did a really good job of weaving allusions into your the sonnet and it doesn't look like you had a problem with Iambic Pentameter at all. The reference to "an apple a day keeps the doctor away" deffinitely made me laugh and your closing was really good/engaging. The questions also really involve the audience so it's really cool =]
A Sip of Motivation
Nicole, the poem came out great! The hours we spent figuring out both our poems paid off and yours flows really well. I like how you almost compare coffee to a liquid drug that gets you through school. The descriptions of the coffee are really rich as well, it draws me in and almost makes me want a cup myself (if i actually like coffee =P) Nice job =]
Gossip Girls
Gen, I really like your poem because I can relate to it and I feel like everyone in our class can. Your ending leaves me with a weird emotion that i can't place and I think that's why I like this so much. I can't tell if it's melancholy or bittersweet or what! Really well done.
If I didn't have to write a villanelle
Jingle, I think you just put in words what everyone was feeling the night we got this assignment! hahaha It was a fun one i guess but it got annoying, right? I like the two repeating lines a lot because they capture the main message and all the different possibilites of time-use are really nice chosen.
And You say you know more
Nicely written and interesting way of conveying the idea of fashion. I got a little chuckle out of it.
Blank
Alisha, I love your first stanza! I know how you feel and you expressed it really well. I'm reminded of Jing's poem and it's interesting to see how both of you handled the topic in unique ways. if it's true that you and words are always in a fight, you came out victorious here. =]
Adrian, I really liked your poem too because, not only do I feel the same way about time passing but you really are a walking smiley face. Your ending was really quirky funny and I can picture you reading this outloud--really cool. Also, the repetition of I lends strength to the poem in reminding the audience who is speaking.
All of you, nice job =D
Ode To Apple- I love this poem! the way you used your words to describe how you feel about apples.
A Sip of Motivation- Haha I love this poem. It really describes how people feel when drinking their coffee. Your poem makes the readers follow what your speaker is trying to explain to us and it really helps them have a better understanding of it.
Gossip Girl- This poem is completely awesome because it really does explain the truth of girls that gossip. I loved the last two lines because of the way they were worded and how easily they made the readers understand.
If only I didn't have to write the villanelle- I thought this poem really explains how we all felt about writing our villanelle poems. I like the words you used like bliss and temptation.
and you say you know more- I thought this poem was awesome about how people tend to think they know more about fashion when really they don't. Its sad how people tend to make fun of others when you see that so many people have their own unique style. You always tend to hear "ew what is she wearing." I thought this poem brought that to the readers to make them understand about how others talk about these things to one another. I thought this poem was a really good poem. great job sis!
Blank- I loved this poem because it related not only to me but to others as well. When we get an assignment that needs to be done at a certain time we always tend to blank out about what we want to write about. Or when we know what to write about but can not place them into words. I loved this poem! Awesome job ALisha!
Adrian- I thought your poem was really nice. I loved how you were explaing the meaning of your title. it reminded me of when we do our Tp-castt and wee have to explain the title of the poem first.
Greatt jobb everyonee!! the poems were awesomeee!!
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