Poem Comment Space
Hi All,
Here's the place to comment on someone else's wonderful poem. Be sure to quote them in your comments - a nice little paragraph would do.
posted by Ms. Clapp @ 9:45 AM
21 comments
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Here's the place to comment on someone else's wonderful poem. Be sure to quote them in your comments - a nice little paragraph would do.
21 Comments:
The poem that I am commenting on his Nicole's Sestina "Squints". The poem is clearly about her cat whom she adores dearly. She "loves him with all my heart" and she recalls how she felt the first time she saw him. She found him on her little porch and she "melted" when she first saw him. I've felt this same exact way when I found my kitty, Mickey, on the same porch. About a week after Nicole got hers, I went over and took baby Mickey home. I felt the same way Nicole feels now.
I love the different descriptions Nicole gives about the cat, such as how he "runs the house" now or how "had an allergy" just like she did. The poem has a great deal of emotion in it because she loves the cat so much and through her words she is able to convey that love she feels for her cat. I think she did a great job creating images of the cat and the cats personalities through her choice of adjectives and verbs.
Great poem (:
Phedorah’s (Microsoft Word Processor does not recognize your name as a word…sorry) sestina Balloons has to be my favorite. It incorporates allusion and imagery in such a compelling way. The incorporation of this idea of the perfect girl, which is completely crushed by the reality that she does not fit the mold. This reality that its unfair to feel like you have to live up to an impossible standard, this comment on human nature rings true especially today when movie stars and models are suppose to represent a certain standard that even they can’t always live up too (such as when they need to be airbrushed). This is such a powerful statement because this does affect the way girls look at themselves. I love the extended flower metaphor, its super clever. All in all I really liked it because of how true and universal it is.
I really liked Sam’s sonnet. It kind of left you wondering what was going to happen, what it was about until the very last line. I think everyone has felt that way about approaching someone. Well, not me because I’m always calm and collected. But it captures the innocence and nerves that one gets when asking someone about such an event. The rhyme scheme was kind of funny in some places (soup and troop).
The poem that is my favorite has to be Sonnet 505 by Matt. This poem is clearly poking fun at the Shakespearean sonnets because he named it Sonnet 505, a jab at Shakespeare. This poem was also very funny and made me laugh, especially the ending when he talks about running away once he saw her face.
I really loved Jeri's poem, Mr. Stevenson's Dog. It was an interesting conversation on the idea of savagery and decency. At first the persona seems against the dog, but once "I" speaks, the dog is decent compared to the public. Brilliant.
The line "On my soapbox I make this plea, only to be met with eyes as empty" really rang, it just had a great flow and feeling. The simple choice "soapbox" had an interesting effect.
Though, "Like a caterpillar’s metamorphosis into butterfly" was just a tad cliche, sorry!
But overall, the interesting idea of role reversal really drove the poem and it was just an overall interesting, original read! Yay Jeri!
I really liked Jenna's sestina "Sneakers." While reading it, I could practically hear (AND feel) the slishy-sloshy sound of wet sneakers. It reminded me very much of the best friend I had as a preteen, because we used to take walks in the rain as well. I really related to how music has the ability to remind you of old times that you miss, but at the same time you're glad your shoes aren't wet anymore (so to speak...you know...like I'm trying to say I'm glad I'm no longer a preteen regardless!)
ANYWAYS, the poem was very easy to relate to and the use of each repeated word was used in many forms (sometimes verbs sometimes nouns) which was very clever. The imagery and the sounds implanted into my brain after reading the poem were really vivid! Great job!
ALSO: A special shout-out to Jeri's poem and her mentioning of Star Wars!
My favorite poem is Carlos's villanelle, "Change." What I appreciate most is the poem's rhyme scheme, as every line rhymes. I also like how he details the changes in his mind as a story, each change happening in a sequence. Also, the humor in the changes of the speaker's mind make the poem more appealing. Overall, it is a simple, but enjoyable poem.
I really liked "Down the Street" by Matt. The villanelle was very funny. From the usage of the rhyme and the topic of the poem, I found it enjoyable. While reading the poem, Matt makes if clear to the reader that the lines are suppose to rhyme and adds a comical hint to the story when he says he is out of words to rhyme, bu in fact just used rhyme to... well.. rhyme with lime.
The lines fit in easily with each other, although there is repetition of the first and the third line of the first stanza intermixed in the rest of the stanzas, they fit in very well with the poem at hand.
I also had to laugh at the first line of the last stanza. It was something along the lines of the narrator stopping from talking to himself, lest he should get beat up.
All in all, I really liked the poem.
My favorite poem of the bunch was Jenna's villanelle. I thought it was clever and had a really cute message. My favorite stanza would have to be "Pretend your shoes are filled with ants,
Or that your legs are cold.
Shut up, get up, and dance!"
The imagery throughout the poem was really humorous. I also thought that using the word "dance" at the end was a great idea because the words that rhyme with dance make the poem even more carefree (ants, pants, etc.). Really nice job!
So I really thought that Jeri's villanelle, "Oh, Pineapple" was fantastic! :D
I was hooked by the title. It made me tilt my head to the side and raise an eyebrow slightly because it was just so different from the others, and so different from my own daily thoughts.
I was laughing by the end of the first stanza because it was so ironic. How can anything be safe inside someone's stomach? I definitely don't think of somebody's eating me as safe. But I think this may touch on some deeper idea: are we safe only in death? Furthermore, because the line says "in my belly where they can do you no harm," it may suggest that humans are afraid of death. It kind of goes about the idea of death in a roundabout, indirect way because of the "they." I don't know if Jeri meant to play with this idea in her fun poem, but the thought is there nonetheless.
I like how there's all of these other things going on in the poem that are in the background. Nothing is of greater importance than finding out what happened to this precious pineapple. For example, where are the speaker and Shawn returning from ("arriving home close to dawn")? And what is Shawn to the speaker? Does the speaker value the pineapple more than Shawn, who "turned on the charm" as the two went upstairs? If so, that's quite ironic as well. And hilarious. :)
I think it's important to always stay within yourself when you write, and Jeri accomplished this fully I think. It is such an entertaining poem, and it is as funny as Jeri herself often is.
I am going to be commenting on Jean's sonnet "My Fries." I was honestly hysterical! I like how when I think about a Sonnet, I think of "my mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun." But Jean made his into a really modern spoken comical piece. Also, the gramatical structure of a sonnet, is to present the idea, and then provide a change of direction in the middle and in Jean's work, they literally changed direction upon the realization that "this girl really forgot my fries, now we are forced to make a U-turn." I find it both funny and ironic. And the couplet at the end really made the piece go out with a final laugh in saying "as I thank God that I kept the reciept." I think it's funny how he said "thank God" making it seem like it was SO IMPORTANT that he have his fries, that he has to thank God for having them. haha
I really enjoyed Carlos' sonnet "Enjoy the Snow" because it is really fitting right now. So far my day has consisted of junk food and television, but after reading this sonnet I have decided to "go outside and just play." I'm not sure if I will have any "snowball battles" today, but I really like how all of the child-like things were mentioned. It just reminds me of all the snowdays I used to spend with my neighbors. Now that everyone is grown up, there's no one left to "try an igloo" with. Well, great job Carlos, you've inspired me to get off my lazy butt and go find Sam :)
I really enjoyed "My Fries" by Jean.
It was funny, silly, and something little in life that can actually happen. Most sonnets are about deep feelings but this sonnet was about one feeling, hunger; which I can definitely relate to. I like the use of putting dialogue in it, "Oh damn the girl really forgot my fries!"
My favorite line from this would definitely be "To redeem my forsaken fries" because it personifies french fries, Burger King french fries! I love poems that can make me smile.
I value "What Gives?" by Kaela Bryan because writing is a very difficult skill. It doesn’t matter how well one writes because there will always be something wrong with it, someone can always do more, because there isn’t a direct right answer. It is great for a writer to have problems such as these because some people can't write. Its like there isn’t enough information or processing thoughts to elaborate on a prompt. Prompts just mock people. "Write about me , write about me", they taunt. When I try to meet the prompts demands its like I’m powerless I never know what to say and if I have to much time to think everything gets worse ,because my thoughts get tangled up until they produce writers blocks, which I seem to have everyday. Then, time runs out and anything i seem to write is good enough for me, and at this level that’s not good enough. So, "what gives" what gives with the disability for me to write. Sure, I can write. I can write "my name is Cynthia" If this is the case anyone could write. However, the task of writing consists of thinking and organizing not just typing or physically moving every muscle in your hand to express an idea. Sure, I have ideas but I can never write to express them because they just don’t come out right. Its too bad that i cant answer the question "What Gives?", because if I could it wouldn’t be so time consuming writing a paper, or having the repeating thought in my head like the repeating lines that expresses "Oh, I never know what to write!".
Out of all the poems I liked “Success” by Jean the most. I enjoyed his poem because it actually had me thinking. It demonstrated the most significant key factor is your reaction. I found it ironic how the title was “Success”, yet; the poem was about failure itself. The repetition of the rhetorical question “When you fail, what will you do?”, left a huge impact in my mind. Overall I liked the main idea and since I enjoy reading poems with moral lesson; I enjoyed this one. I strongly agree with his brilliant message of it is all about you react. Basically what is going to make you different form anyone is else is the way you react to the obstacles in front of you.
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I really enjoyed reading Keala's poem "What Gives?". The thing really enjoy and vaule in poetry is humor and honesty. I think the line about being to uptight kind of mimicks how the human mind will replay their concerns and fears in their head over and over again. It is also easy to relate to because we as students may have struggled trying to find words to place with in the rules of the poems we had to write.
Another poem I really enjoyed and found very funny was Jeri's poem "Mr.Stevenson's Dog" while I thought was really fun and kind an intresting plot, it seems to have a deeper meaning. I mean I see weird things when I spy on my neighbors but looks can be deciving. It also plays on how society can muddle one perception of others.
My fave poem had to be Olivia's sonnet I Can't Write a Love Sonnet. She showed it to me earlier Wed and I loved it! I laughed so hard when she said that teen love can't "be as cute as Barbie and Ken" I also loved her rhyming of boy and treating you like a toy. I agree with this poem and I love how instead of writing a normal love filled sonnet she wrote about why she CAN'T write about that it just brightened by day to read this and have a good laugh.
The poem I really liked was Jeans sonnet poem called "My fries". I found it very amusing because i know that very feeling when you order something at burgerking or anywhere your mouth desires and they forget to put certain parts of your meal. I always go back but sometimes I will make it home and find out and I would be even more upset. What gets me really mad is I paid full price for half! So I feel his frustration and Thank god you didnt throw away the "Receipt".
I love Jerry’s sonnet! I think its great! Usually sonnets ( at least Shakespearean sonnets) are revolved around love, and romance, but Jerry really put a great spin on the idea of a sonnet. I love the diction—words such as “slaved”, “dork”, “plea”, “popsicle”—the incorporation of such words really puts a spin on the poem! I love the opening line “Eighteen years I slaved over school and work”—it’s creative, powerful, and great, and its something that everyone can relate to. I also think that the poem is a great demonstration of her character, with lines such as “I’ve never been bothered by names like dork”. I think the poem is cute, and very Jerry, overall the content and rhetoric was great! It’s my favorite poem up here!
I liked Ravi's Villanelle called "Basketball" mostly because I love the sport. But I love the way it teaches you how to play the game as well, the to-do's and not to-do's. It shows you the fundamentals and how they can be fun. I have recently became very competitive in the game and his poem made me realize that I should just have fun instead.
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